The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
