i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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