My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
