If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
