im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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