I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
