Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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