So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My vagina is very pro this idea
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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