ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
