the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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