my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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