I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
