Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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