So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
