I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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