yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Farmville is her only friend.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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