if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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