wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
