well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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