You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
