so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
