I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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