Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
