the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
