the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
