between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
