my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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