The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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