So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
