Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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