My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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