I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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