He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
