Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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