Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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