This is not my ceiling
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
