I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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