just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So here I am, sexting at work.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
