i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
