My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
