We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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