So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
