hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
