Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
