Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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