Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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