I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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