I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
