people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
