I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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