lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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