Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
