dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
