when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
