i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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