It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
