So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
