the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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