Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
