i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
