I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
