I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This baby is an asshole
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
