I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize