the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
