i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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