I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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