I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
