I cockslap morals
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
