I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
