A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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