Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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