I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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