I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There r osticjed everywhere
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
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Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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