I just pynch a tree in the face
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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