i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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