Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am naked and annoyed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
