I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
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I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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