Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
