She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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